Commuters Guide to the Highway

  1.  Never allow more than 16 feet in front of the vehicle traveling in the fast lane. If necessary, cross all three lanes into the slow lane to pass said vehicle and then promptly swerve back across those lanes to fill that void the driver has carelessly wasted. Don't forget your manners though, use your middle finger to signal the multiple lane change. 
  2. Garbage should always be held out the window and then let go to ensure the wind carries it at maximum velocity directly into the window of the driver behind you. Whoever touches it last is the one that littered!
  3. The far right lane is for eating breakfast. Once you're finished your egg McMuffin you can then pull into the far left lane to get rid of your garbage (See tip #2). 
  4. Approach on-ramps in the far right lane. Merging traffic will almost certainly require that lane and therefore you must occupy it. After traffic has had to slow significantly and pull in behind you to avoid running out of ramp, quickly change lanes to the far left and accelerate. 
  5. In heavy traffic apply your brakes as much as possible. It helps the motorist behind you know that your currently in the middle of a very important text message.

posted under |


Post a Comment

Older Post Home

Blog Archive


Recent Comments